Why All the Guilt?

Talk about a rat race.

Sure, parents have always competed with each other over whose baby is smarter, healthier, or more physically accomplished. Naturally, we all think our child is the best at everything. But, these days, we also compete with each other for "Best Mom" status. Who makes the most sacrifices, who spends the most money, who makes Mary Poppins look like a slacker... I don't remember my mom going through this, so I think it's a recent development. (Although I could be wrong. I was just a baby back then, after all.)

The conversation in our heads goes something like this: "Well, I'm a better mom because I breastfeed," says one. "Yeah, well we cosleep," responds another. "We buy only organic food, toys, and clothes," says mom number three, then takes a sip of her latte. Mom number four goes on the defensive and says "I don't have time for all that. Don't you people know you can buy diapers without pins these days?" We never actually say it this way, but that's how many of us interpret a conversation that includes breastfeeding, cosleeping, organic baby products, and being a working mom.

I see this all the time. I'm admittedly a pretty crunchy parent. We co-sleep. I babywear. We use cloth diapers and make our own baby food. When I talk about these things with more mainstream moms, they tend to go on the defensive. But I just want to share my experiences and hear what other moms have to say because maybe I can learn something useful from them. I don't expect people to run out and parent the way we do. We've made the choices we've made because it's what works for us, and different things work for different people. But many people still go on the defensive when all I'm trying to do is to relate to another mom.

Take the whole breastfeeding thing. We use formula. That's it. "We use formula." End of story. No apologies, no arguments, no "I tried to, but..." I'm secure in the informed decision we made, and feel no need to make apologies for it, or to explain it. That's why I just don't get this whole defensive response parents tend to have when talking with other parents.

Gather your information, look at your child and your life, and decide what is best for you. Then move on. Life is too short and babies grow up too fast to keep rehashing a decision just because the Joneses zigged while you zagged.